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“How do you feel about NerdWallet going public?”
“Well, nobody I know actually bought their options”

Figured out how to do some interesting tricks using Porter-Duff blends. Someday I will be a real game programmer!

Sent a link to Two Trucks on the work Slack before noon, guess I'm already done for the day

Thinking back to my trip to Korea a few years ago and remembering my favorite person was this guy that stopped me on the street and with all of his 20-years-ago-high-school-English mustered the sentence "you...are...very...fat!" and I grabbed my stomach and laughed and he laughed and then we went our separate ways.

Ginger Ale 

A ginger ale sounds good right now

Making my fortune with the 66% keyboard, a 65% keyboard with separate escape/~ keys

Getting old is neat in that staying out at the neighbor's house until 11:00 and splitting a bottle of wine results in spectacular tummy troubles and exhaustion the next day

Awake at 2:45 AM AMA but be aware I will probably be asleep in 5 minutes

I’m sorry, you’re talking to someone who beat the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app *twice* out of spite. I’m too fabulous for this shit.

My new hit single “Knee Deep in your Eyes, Elbow Deep in your Heart”

1 mile of walking = 10 minutes of uncontrolled diarrhea when you get home

MH 

My psychiatrist was a little unnerved that I was 1) prepared with notes 2) mentally running on all cylinders at 7:30 AM and I’m all 1) I am mentally ill 2) a dad

"Lol your anti-anti-vaxx positions are just ad hominem attacks"

Yeah I TRIED to reason with you but your BRAIN is ROTTEN with PERFORMATIVE CONSERVATISM and I have a BREAKING POINT for pretending to THINK YOU HAVE A DECENT POINT

It is my civic responsibility in a liberal democracy to fill these Old Navy jeans with large man ass

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

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