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So many balls got kicked over the fence into my yard yesterday

A weird conspiracy theorist high school friend on Facebook asked me to send messages to Peter Thiel and Mark Zuckerberg and I was all "slow your roll dude I can't yell at them either" and what the hell random dudes in Sacramento you have very solid pans to fix Coronavirus and it's my responsibility to convey them to all the people I'd stab if I ever met them.

Day 1 of lockdown: every store is open and fully stocked. The chairs and tables at all the restaurants are put away but order counters still have lines. The streets are busier than usual and the sight/sound of children playing is everywhere.

This is a nice end of the world so far; though I anticipate it'll change soon enough.

Bodegas, don’t let me down today. I gotta make it look like I went shopping at a grocery store so please have all the things I need.

This was a good weekend to fly, and an even better Monday to fly back to San Francisco

I’ve caught it. I’ve caught the elusive limited edition green Coronavirus.

I think Welcome to Temecula would have been a way creepier podcast than Welcome to Night Vale

Good thing I held in that fart on the plane 

Looked at the janitor in the bathroom in the airport, gestured to the dyson hand dryer, and said “these new urinals are WILD!” and the look of utter defeat in his eyes destroyed me

You would think, oh, hey, we’re forbidden from going into the office, it’s time to spam shitposts like watery diarrhea onto the timeline but gosh I’ve been working harder than ever because I never want to have to go back in

I appreciate a good portmanteau. A bad one, too. A badmanteau.

*me in 2001* time to be fearful but go to college
*me in 2005* nobody’s hiring but I’ll be aggressive
*me in 2009* I’ll just be brave and pretend there is an economy
*me in 2014* Are we in a permanent boom now? Let’s finally move to SF.
*me in 2020* oh right my entire existence is a recession

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

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