@mcknze @Aleums I refuse to have a second so I already know I’m on the hook for his weird only child mannerisms and resentments.

On the one hand I’m a terrible dad but on the other I’m arrogant enough to think I’m better than 80% of other dads.

@pbandkate @denikombucha Not the hero we need, or deserve, or think about, or need, or deserve...

@larrydavis @muppetbutler EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A PORK INTO THE SLOT. IT’S PIG AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, PORKO. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME OAT BASTARDS OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng

@garfiald THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT SCAT GIRLS. I KEEP GETTING OLDER, THEY EVENTUALLY THINK "HEY MAYBE I SHOULD TRY THIS OUT"

Everyone's logging out and signing down today so let's post HIDEOUS SECRETS 

mastodon is a deep dark dank cave and we're all living in it, hissing like little goblins and laughing maniacally

@pbandkate We'll keep the crock pot full of shit plugged in for when you come back

@cryptoad They were designed in different contexts. Cambria was meant for the screen first and Times New Roman was designed in the age of pieces of lead being drenched in ink and smashed against cheap newsprint.

Imagine if we were all penguins. Just a bunch of dumbass birds thinking about fish and tooting.

@Quixote171 @Louisa it was also a cruel time because it was the only 3 years in history where we played this prank on trombone players where we made them think they were cool or employable

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

This is my instance.