*coming to a screeching stop in front of your house in a Civic Del Sol, Britney Spears blasting on the radio*

Hey any of you guys wanna watch me speedrun Ducktales on the NES?

One of the better video game ideas I've had in a while 

FTL meets Stargate.

Assemble away teams, send via gate to new planets, assuage locals and destroy enemy aliens, find new systems to jump to.

This is a bad pun I thought up in the shower this morning. I would punch me in the face if I said it to myself out loud. 

Till.I.Am this soil and using Fergielizer to grow a crop of Black Eyed Peas

Puns I thought of at the zoo 

Rough Giraffe
My only Egret
Kudus to You

My name is Gordon K. Shump and what you’re looking at is the newly renovated, fully accessible entrance to my Fuck Zoo

guns 

Got involved in a domestic dispute shooting today on accident and I was more mad than anything but I checked out of work just in case of PTSD and took a bus ride across town and when I turned the phone back on had a pile of texts from dad and mom like “this is why you’re bad, this is why your family is abandoning you” and that helped me immeasurably

@halcy Who put Sully from Monsters Inc into a compactor and then left his body in a forest?

M:tG shitposting 

Hell yes I play Magic. I’ve got cards banned from tournament play. I’ve got cards that were never allowed for tournament play. I’ve got cards that are considered forbidden knowledge and banned from our very plane of existence.

I’m going to play a 4 card infinite life loop and bump you up to 8000000 life. You’re gonna watch me do each step to creep it up one by one. Then I’m gonna hit you with an infinite damage loop for 8000021 damage.

You will see the mouth of madness.

Cryptidcurrency
Crisiscurrency
Cirrhocurrency
Cumulocurrency
Champiocurrency
Characturrency
Chiptocurrency
Tiptoecurrency
Cthonocurrency
Chillocurrency
Fliptocurrency
Connecticurrency
Chubbocurrency
Hypnocurrency
Charcuterurrency
South Dakoturrency
Tryptocurrency
Charbroilcurrency
Crunchocurrency
Concretocurrency

Did you know you can just type into this box and strangers have to read it? It's probably not a good idea to let me type into this make angry strangers box!

Linux 

I'm a joy to work with and a consummate professional in my commit messages

I need to buy all the jeggings to make prototype jean jegging jorts

(jean jean jegging jorts [jean jean jean jegging jean shorts (jean jean jean jean legging jean jean short jeans)])

Show thread
Show older
Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

The social network of the future: No ads, no corporate surveillance, ethical design, and decentralization! Own your data with Mastodon!