Bruce Willis Social Club @jasonscheirer@toot.jasonscheirer.com

@Louisa The nicest niçoise

Me, a fool: Certainly there are no consequences to three days of microwave burritos for every meal

Also me: *hideous projectile vomiting noises* How did this happen?

@flowless2 my balls killed a dog

@garbados Corvid signal

So @flowless2 is back but hasn’t talked much about balls lately so I’m here to tell you: I have balls, they are bad, they smell bad, they’re generally not a good thing and so balls are bad, and should all be thrown into the ocean

Sent from my iPhone

@Absolutely_Blakely cool face, nerd

@bogperson420 my quarter century year old half remembered time capsule of Linguistics has been essential in my thought leadership

@felix @ashfurrow we’re all winners was my sentiment

@felix @ashfurrow Just a single dad trying to make his way in this crazy universe. Also valid.

@dankwraith I don’t go to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth (I respect the union)

@vantablack just be all DUDE YOU’RE FROM TEMECULA

Taking a double dose and scheduling a McDonald’s delivery in 3 hours

All the mental energy I use on my marriage and child and work is currently not being spent because I have none of those right now and I’m teetering into hypomania—I think I’m going to take triple (3) times the recommended dose of edibles and sleep through the rest of the day

@dankwraith I assume you meant uni because you live in a tide pool

@flowless2 ah yes

@jacethechicken starting a newer, better offshoot of mathematics where every constant is 3

@JohnBrownJr I learned that any stable piece of land goes from grassland to shrubland to forest and grain-growing agriculture (wheat/rice/etc) is literally inflicting sustained ecological disaster on a patch of earth

@ashfurrow it is far and away my favorite Star Trek, too, so I say these things out of love

And you may find yourself
Pooping into your own cupped hands
And you may find yourself
Continuing to poop into your hands
And you may ask yourself
Why am I pooping into my own hands
And you may tell yourself
Oh god what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

@ave

Twitter: *overly detailed rant about the president by a NYT journalist*
Mastodon: I put my recycles up at the top of my garage