"sorry I missed that meeting, I was listening to one band's entire discography to decide which 15 of their hundreds of songs about growing up are their best ones"

@jasonscheirer How many books does Marie Kondo have to sell before she can afford to be Marie Singlefamilyhouse?

This is Terry Fresh and you are listening to Gross Air.

@jk Me, at work, when people mock my iPod classic: “well what happens to Spotify when you go through a tunnel smart guy? WHAT HAPPENS? THIS OFFICE HAS NO TUNNELS BUT BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY”

"Boba teas nuts!" - me, trying to finish the bit even after they already punched me in the face and broke my nose for dipping into such a tired joke again

@brogepi @bryn Non-honeybee bees have really neat social structures. I used to love watching sand bees in the sandbox at my elementary school.

@remulacfrommars @Louisa @wintgenstein @SanfordianPhil Still one of the better Coen Bros movies, all you gotta do it a few notes of the theme yodel and people go nuts

There's probably something salvageable in here.

How many Grammys does Ariana Grande need to win to become Ariana Venti?

The existence of an Ariana Grande implies a lesser Ariana Short as well as a more popular Ariana Venti

I will have an Ariana Americano, Ariana Grande, with Ariana Almond Milk

Ugh no nothing is sticking why is my terrible "Ariana...Venti???" thought I had on the bus not yielding fruit?

In this household we say oeuf revoir because we really like eggs and don’t really know French

I can’t believe Chris Pratt is fucking dead

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@baronnarcveldt yes I understand I was riffing on the very old double rainbow meme from olden times

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

This is my instance.