My number one tip to convince ladies to do sex on you is to drive a nice car

Termite sex, variation on an advertisement trope, deliberate misinterpretation of something for comedic purposes 

My queen is dead

I only want to fuck

Linux 

I'm a joy to work with and a consummate professional in my commit messages

I don't know if it's the fact that it's "blockchain" based, the prevalence of banned YouTubers, cryptocurrency bros, and NoFappers on it or their incompetently served email campaigns but I can't help but think Odysee is a giant clown car of weird libertarians who are (thankfully) left to their own devices far away from polite society.

I’m using the notes app wrong because it’s not full of dumb ideas or questionable poetry

Art 

“Let’s let local high schoolers paint the utility boxes around town! Turn these bland eyesores into pieces of public art!”

Local high schoolers: “I want to provide my community with NIGHTMARES”

CW: Blond lady stock photo 

Why does the 1-800-Flowers app look like a dating site?

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

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