TIL “All Souls’” isn’t a name for a church entirely attended by ghosts

At one point in everyone’s life they’ve got to grow up and do things themselves. The tortillas might get a little sad they’re losing their baby but they’ll get over it.

I really hope Trader Joe’s does something cancellable so I can call it Traitor Joe’s

some dreams are extremely dumb and not worth talking about 

The cashew is a trip. It’s a giant, toxic corrosive nut sack with a tiny, barely available micropenis nut and it’s harvested with slave labor.

*Watching instances do weird performative battles* I just want to favorite everyone’s shitposts

On the one hand, I miss the camaraderie of being on a big instance
On the other hand, I am a large juicy shit in a paper bag who would ruin it for everyone else

Yes, on the moon, nerds get their pants pulled down and they are spanked with moon rocks.

The idealist in me wants to see people embrace public transportation more. The cynic in me, however, looooves having the entire bus to himself.

Funny to think how the smallest part of the butt is the hole thing

*calmly explaining to the officer that I am not, in fact, resisting arrest but saving everyone some time since no jail can hold me*

Let he who has not peed their pants a little bit while fumbling though their keys looking for the right one to the apartment door cast the first stone

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

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