I am doing polls right!

If I were accused of being the coolest thing on two wheels on my instance I would simply embrace it, and be the coolest thing on two wheels.

It is Saturday night my dudes. Time to get fucked up at the BAR*.


The 💅🏻 makes sense because I use it ironically so much, but I don’t recall using 🌹 any time recently

lazy tv camera shots 

Upgraded to the Mastodon 2.9rc1 build on my local instance. The simplified UI takes away a lot of my complaints that caused me to use third-party clients in the past.

If I were an underqualified nuclear engineer in Ukraine and I was ordered to press the AZ-5 button during a routine safety exercise, I simply would choose not to.

‪On call, 10:30 PM Sunday (10 hours away from going off)‬

‪“We’re getting vulnerability scanned by a particular IP can you block it”‬
“Yeah no problem”
“What you did broke everything else”
(Looks at IP)
“That’s because you had me block the internal network from itself”
“Well now someone else is mad at you”
Monday, 12:99 AM
“I reverted the block, fix your thing in the AMto trigger less”
“Now we’re madder at you”

*2 calendar invites: “why you broke our shit” and “why you refuse to fix our shit”*

“I am not going to dive into a pool of knives at all”


I’m sorry to announce that after consulting with my family and my large angry god that I have decided not to run for president of the United States in the 2020 election.

dream journal 

I just copied all the knzk emoji onto my instance so they'll be findable on the fediverse in the future.

If you're an instance admin and want to copy a bunch of emojis at once, go to /admin/custom_emojis. Do your search, then to copy every emoji on that page enter in the following into the JS console:

const csrf = [...document.getElementsByTagName('meta')].filter(m => m.getAttribute("name") == "csrf-token").map(m => m.getAttribute("content"))[0]

[... document.getElementsByTagName('a')].filter(n => n.text == 'Copy').map(n => fetch(n.href, {method: 'POST', headers: {'Content-Type': 'application/x-www-form-urlencoded'}, body: new URLSearchParams({_method: 'post', authenticity_token: csrf})}).then(r => console.log(r.url, r.ok)))

When the console stops counting it's copied all the emoji from that page.

the masto guide to popularity:

1. don't put off breaking up when you know you want to. prolonging the situation only makes it worse. tell 'em honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly. don't make a big production. don't make up an elaborate story just to help you avoid a whole tear-jerking scene. if you wanna date other people, say so. be prepared for them to feel hurt and rejected, even if you've gone together for only a short time, and haven't been too serious, there's still a feeling of rejection

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

This is my instance.