Lord of Goblin World @jasonscheirer@toot.jasonscheirer.com

TIL “All Souls’” isn’t a name for a church entirely attended by ghosts

Thanks, Sigourney Weaver!

At one point in everyone’s life they’ve got to grow up and do things themselves. The tortillas might get a little sad they’re losing their baby but they’ll get over it.

I really hope Trader Joe’s does something cancellable so I can call it Traitor Joe’s

Had another dream where I woke up angry.

I had won a contest to co-star in an amateur sketch comedy pilot that would take a week to film, but it was during finals week and I found out I’d have to re-take the current year of school after I accepted the contract.

The content of the script was head-smashingly stupid bro shit, and I was expected to use a funny voice and have a catch phrase. My stage name was “big gulp.”

So I argued with the producer during rehearsal that I should be allowed to punch up my lines, to which he balked and said the writers were artists. I then asked if I could be taken off cast and put into a writer’s room to fix this dog shit script. He said the time it would take to replace me and start rehearsals all over would put them so far behind schedule that they’d have to shutter production before finishing the pilot.

I was pissed that I’d have to go to another year of school to make up for doing this bullshit project that would obviously fail and I was helpless to fix.

@flowless I wasn’t subtooting you but now I regret it wasn’t

The cashew is a trip. It’s a giant, toxic corrosive nut sack with a tiny, barely available micropenis nut and it’s harvested with slave labor.

*Watching instances do weird performative battles* I just want to favorite everyone’s shitposts

On the one hand, I miss the camaraderie of being on a big instance
On the other hand, I am a large juicy shit in a paper bag who would ruin it for everyone else

*extremely Lizzo voice* where the hell my phone

Yes, on the moon, nerds get their pants pulled down and they are spanked with moon rocks.

Word of the day: jobsworth

Crop dusting the northbound platform in the BART station

The idealist in me wants to see people embrace public transportation more. The cynic in me, however, looooves having the entire bus to himself.

I hear a fellow named flowless mastered the whip?

Pliny

Funny to think how the smallest part of the butt is the hole thing

*calmly explaining to the officer that I am not, in fact, resisting arrest but saving everyone some time since no jail can hold me*

Let he who has not peed their pants a little bit while fumbling though their keys looking for the right one to the apartment door cast the first stone

Butthole