"sorry I missed that meeting, I was listening to one band's entire discography to decide which 15 of their hundreds of songs about growing up are their best ones"

@jasonscheirer How many books does Marie Kondo have to sell before she can afford to be Marie Singlefamilyhouse?

This is Terry Fresh and you are listening to Gross Air.

"Boba teas nuts!" - me, trying to finish the bit even after they already punched me in the face and broke my nose for dipping into such a tired joke again

There's probably something salvageable in here.

How many Grammys does Ariana Grande need to win to become Ariana Venti?

The existence of an Ariana Grande implies a lesser Ariana Short as well as a more popular Ariana Venti

I will have an Ariana Americano, Ariana Grande, with Ariana Almond Milk

Ugh no nothing is sticking why is my terrible "Ariana...Venti???" thought I had on the bus not yielding fruit?

In this household we say oeuf revoir because we really like eggs and don’t really know French

I can’t believe Chris Pratt is fucking dead

Human baby holder Show more

boost this and I'll assign you an rpg trinket* until I can't think of any more trinkets**

* a simple item lightly touched by mystery

**as above, but plural

I know I've floated this idea before, but I want to keep it circulating: what if, instead of work, sleep

If ur not willing to shed ur meat suit and make spooky click clack noises with me to freak out the neighbors then we can’t date.

Vampire Weekend? More like Vampire Weakass haha gotem

(lays down on the floor and just sighs heavily)

reminder that the laws of australia override the laws of math

"The laws of mathematics are very commendable, but the only law that applies in Australia is the law of Australia"

-- Malcolm Turnbull (Prime Minister at the time)

tired: compressing audio

wired: companding audio

Got my BRAIN LIGHTS in and My BRIPE is HOT

I live across the street from the bus station and two of the lines that service it take me to BART, so the longest I wait is 7 minutes. I’m 2 blocks away from 4 taquerias. Why did nobody tell me South San Francisco (THE INDUSTRIAL CITY) was so awesome before?

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

This is my instance.