Jason Scheirer @jasonscheirer@toot.jasonscheirer.com

First day titles on the next gen Nintendo console:

• Donkey Kong reboot
• Shenmue 4
• Mario is Missing! 2
• Cooking Mama Ultimate Collection
• Kirby: Waffle Stomp
• Capcom vs. Tetris
• Wario in Prison
• Bisbee, Arizona Games

Their response the superior hardware of the next gen is the same Nintendo quality gameplay we’ve come to love.

Ask me anything, as long as it’s about my butt: https://tellonym.me/buttbot

Someone should do something about the teens

My buns

The kid has self-incarcerated and the garage has a shopping cart in it for some reason

Here’s a fun fact about me: I only have one ear! I lost my right ear in a car crash 12 years ago! I worked for 36 hours straight and fell asleep driving! Don’t do that!

Glazed with a thin (eighth of an inch thick) layer of frosting, my entire body, I found a bakery that will frost my fat nude gross self.

def _dedecimal(val):
return str(val).split(‘.’)[0]

Oops! All tortillas and cheese.

Technology brothers! Give me your lunch money, nerrrrrrrd.

I feel like a law student taking the bar over and over again, I keep failing

Sliding into your BMs

My parents are always weirded out on video chat in summer because the sun is still out for us and in winter because it’s dark here when the sun is still out for them and it’s like, hey, that’s what a mere 450 miles of latitude will do

Sighing loudly, using Excel

There are three possibilities of the source when I hear a large bang while sitting on my couch:

1. Son having tantrum, throwing something large on floor upstairs
2. Neighbors setting off fireworks
3. Hyperintelligent coyotes’ pot still exploding in the hills

Not familiar with that bible verse

Congratulations

My GI scheduled me for an ultrasound to look for gallstones but the only place in the clinic with a machine is the OB/GYN so I’m gonna sit in the waiting room and point at my giant gut and screech “Yours is temporary! Mine is forever!” at the terrified expectant mothers.

@chest_bot open chest

Alternating flat pito/frosting/flat pito/frosting to make a mille-pito cake

When TikTok first came out I tried to sign up and it asked my age and I was honest and said 35. It refused to let me register. I lied and said I was 13 and I WAS IN!