The TV has been on pause for hours. I don’t know why this woman is angry but she is now my friend.

The cool thing about the trip to the mall was all the stares. Not at me, though. Everyone thought the stroller was weird and did double takes.

Here’s a stray dog puking on a neighbor’s driveway.

:sponsored: Brought to you by the tourism board of India.

I got a pedicure for the first time ever yesterday and now my feet are raw and sore. People enjoy this?

I’m really enjoying the Sel and Hyperlink podcast, it’s been my commute time fun time for the past few days

When your new sink absolutely has to fucking *mean* it because you’re tired of fake, two-faced sinks taking you for a ride

It’s hard not to sound like you have a fetish when you’re trying to write songs to teach kids how to use the toilet.

If you want to sing along at home:

Feeling sassy with my new pose and outfit. Looks like I’m walking around in my underwear and that is hilarious.

Say what you will, this children’s toy is fun for all ages. Fuck off with your fidget spinners, look at this array of clips and fasteners and think about how much fun it would be to open and shut them. I’m having that fun right n-...GET OUT OF HERE, KID! ...That fun right now.

As a glasses wearer, I am often amazed at the things non glasses wearers can’t see/read. I think glasses should be mandatory. Based on what most of you can’t read on road signs you’re all dangers.

I am the Naya’s Sunday Morning Nap disturber. I have disturbed before and I will unrepentantly disturb again.

Don’t worry, I will commit egregious murders in the course of my morning commute. With my gun.

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

This is my instance.