Pinned toot

After Ratatouille was released in theaters, it became law in 38 states that all traps must have tiny propane grills and spice racks placed next to them so as to distract/spare any rats with any cooking aptitude. It’s referred to as “Remy’s Law” in most places and was the direct outcome of an organized, nationwide letter writing campaign.

Pinned toot

Stop eating what you're eating and throw it out the window right now! It'll be fun!

:sponsored: Sponsored by raccoons

My love languages are incomprehensible ululating and late 2000s reality TV

Seriously considering buying tickets for the Voodoo Glow Skulls

You bet your ass I’m back on my sitting on a bus bullshit

Success by choice
Moist by medical condition
Angry by politics
Gently rolled in rice flour by recipe
Legend by destiny

When slow dancing, always leave enough space for Jesus. And Jonathan. And Iggy. And these Beanie Babies.

Termite sex, variation on an advertisement trope, deliberate misinterpretation of something for comedic purposes 

My queen is dead

I only want to fuck

Programming a computer 

Just realized my least favorite thing with programming C++ over the years wouldn't be fixed with "coding guidelines" so much as "personality trait guidelines."

Hell is other C++ programmers.

Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to lower your voice. This is a Euro-style bistro/bakery lounge experience. Save it for the Tex-mex fusion fast casual place you clearly frequent.

CW Food 

The crab-o-hydrant, an efficient new way to force feed people seafood

The US Park Service is selling naming rights to make up for Covid-related revenue slump and from now on Old Faithful will now be known as Doritos Bold Flavorful

I’m sorry for talking about Linux 

It only took three tries and about 6 months but I finally feel comfortable using sway (i3wm).

In retrospect this was not a skill worth wasting my time on.

Anyone else remember the one hit wonder artist Pico-Pico Lemonade with their single “¡Tengo Piss!”?

The King of Town in the streets, Senor Cardgage in the sheets

I’m the Costco hot dog of my group of friends.

I will not be taking questions at this time.

Show older
Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

The social network of the future: No ads, no corporate surveillance, ethical design, and decentralization! Own your data with Mastodon!