Jason Scheirer @jasonscheirer@toot.jasonscheirer.com

After Ratatouille was released in theaters, it became law in 38 states that all traps must have tiny propane grills and spice racks placed next to them so as to distract/spare any rats with any cooking aptitude. It’s referred to as “Remy’s Law” in most places and was the direct outcome of an organized, nationwide letter writing campaign.

Stop eating what you're eating and throw it out the window right now! It'll be fun!

Sponsored by raccoons

*coming to a screeching stop in front of your house in a Civic Del Sol, Britney Spears blasting on the radio*

Hey any of you guys wanna watch me speedrun Ducktales on the NES?

Till.I.Am this soil and using Fergielizer to grow a crop of Black Eyed Peas

Rough Giraffe
My only Egret
Kudus to You

If a problem came along I would simply whip it

https://www.jasonscheirer.com/weblog/dunder-all-is-a-sacred-space-and-everyone-is-profaning-it/

I HAVE OPINIONS, yells local man into void, AND YOU'D BETTER HEAR THEM

Hell yes I play Magic. I’ve got cards banned from tournament play. I’ve got cards that were never allowed for tournament play. I’ve got cards that are considered forbidden knowledge and banned from our very plane of existence.

I’m going to play a 4 card infinite life loop and bump you up to 8000000 life. You’re gonna watch me do each step to creep it up one by one. Then I’m gonna hit you with an infinite damage loop for 8000021 damage.

You will see the mouth of madness.

You "post" a "tweet." You "emit" a "toot."

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Did you know you can just type into this box and strangers have to read it? It's probably not a good idea to let me type into this make angry strangers box!

G is for goctopus

I need to buy all the jeggings to make prototype jean jegging jorts

(jean jean jegging jorts [jean jean jean jegging jean shorts (jean jean jean jean legging jean jean short jeans)])

Harry Potter and the Dinger of Gungus

Back on my bullshit

I did t know there was a mastodon aisle at CVS

Here’s a tip Big Fire doesn’t want you to know: if there’s a fire in your house, bring a branch or other long, flammable item and set it alight with the flame inside and then take it outside. The rest of the fire will follow it out and boom, no more house fire!