Pinned toot

First day titles on the next gen Nintendo console:

• Donkey Kong reboot
• Shenmue 4
• Mario is Missing! 2
• Cooking Mama Ultimate Collection
• Kirby: Waffle Stomp
• Capcom vs. Tetris
• Wario in Prison
• Bisbee, Arizona Games

Their response the superior hardware of the next gen is the same Nintendo quality gameplay we’ve come to love.

Advice to the youth: keep a journal so you can figure out what gave you diarrhea this time

This is the first time I’ve had entirely to myself in 12 days and you bet I’m wasting it

*laughing in did taxes in April because I fear the state and assumed it was a trick*

swearing to myself until I realize I’m in front of a bunch of 10 year old kids 

*looking out the window on Interstate 5*
Me: That guy walking along the side of the road looks like he’s wearing a hospital gown.
*we pass a hospital a quarter mile later*
Me: Oh, that’s what he’s walking away from. Should I call someone?
*seeing a McNugget at the bottom of a McDonald’s bag*
Me: He’ll be fine.

*whispering gently into your ear as you sleep* “Two trucks, having sex. Two trucks, having sex. My muscles, my muscles, involuntarily flex.”

The breakfast of champions is a tangerine La Croix and two mood stabilizers

Talking about programming, and even worse, GAMES programming 


🏳️Wharves, Quays, Piers, all 30% off🏴‍☠️


Del Taco today, The Hat tomorrow, Baker's Monday. The holy trifecta of SoCal-only fast food chains because I want diarrhea.

I can no longer afford to (daily) cover my full nude body in 16 pounds of flour, a 10 dozen egg egg wash, roll around in a kiddie pool filled with $300 of bread crumbs, then walk 4000 feet to the 101 off-ramp and yell "please make me delicious and crispy" to cars full of people who just want to go home.

the dumbest drug reference ever 

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Toot! A Jason Scheirer Instance

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